...I have no idea how old there are or from where I copied them. But in cleaning out old docs on my harddrive, I found these little gems of humorous goodness. Enjoy!
Section Bumper Stickers
Ex-husband in trunk
Cut me off and I'll modify you
You say I'm a bitch like its a bad thing
Where There's A Whip, There's A Way.
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
Death is our way of telling you you're fired.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
If you cant beat them, arrange to have them beaten
If you want respect, get on your knees and beg for it got patience?
Happiness is an automatic weapon with a belt feed
Guns don't kill people, they just make it easier.
Too Close for Missiles, Switching to Guns
If you can read this, you're in range
My other auto is a 9MM.
Do unto others before they do unto you.
Takes a lickin and keeps on tickin
where there is a gun there is a way
who needs words?
if I'm lying your dying
member of the NAOWA(national association of woop a**)
I just don't care anymore - and I've got a gun.
Go ahead and honk. I'm reloading.
Zero to Bitch in 4.0 Seconds
Moody bitch seeks nice guy for love-hate relationship ( )
Body by Nautilus; brain by Mattel ( blonde joke! )
Assassins do it from behind.
Life may suck, but it beats the alternative.
I'm a blonde, what's your excuse?
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Another smooth escape disguised as a dramatic exit.
I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died.
I still miss my ex...but my aim is getting better!
Get in. Sit down. Shut up. Hang on.
It's only fun being at the top when someone else is on bottom
If looks were spit I would be swimming
Patience is a virtue I dont currently possess.
If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.
If you love something, set it free. If it doesn't come back, hunt it down and kill it!
I don't want the whole world, just your half.
I can't be conceited because conceit is an imperfection and I am perfect
People who think they know what they're doing are especially annoying to those of us who do.
Everything destroyed in 30 min. or the next one's free!
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
The best way to change someone's mind is with a rock
The beatings will continue until employee morale improves.
My Section Child cancelled your honors student!
Smile. It's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
Don't laugh. Your daughter could be in this vehicle.
HELP! I've tripped and I can't get down!
I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
To be old and wise you must first be young and stupid.
When you pull the pin on Mr. Grenade he is no longer your friend.
Dead heads don't fall down, they just keep on tripping!
I gave up drinking, smoking and sex - worst 15 minutes of my life
Since things get better with age, I am approaching magnificent
It's as bad as you think and they are out to get you.
I like you but I wouldn't want to see you working with sub-atomic particles
According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist
Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
When all else fails, manipulate the data
We are Section. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.
A fool and his money are my best friends
Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
I go from zero to horny in six beers
If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.
Oh how I miss this show.